What happens when you realize the patterns and habits you have employed for so long no longer worked and your soul was urging you to change? What do you do and how do you know if your soul is talking to you?
Here we're going to explore the difference between the soul and the ego and for the purposes of this blog - the ego will be identified as the force (or voice) within that creates friction and chooses negative patterns vs. really listening and honoring the call of the soul- which will always urge you to step into a more elevated, healthier version of yourself in your one and only precious life.
The death of the ego is the gateway to your soul's evolution
Sometimes our illusions are shattered and we are forced to look at our ourselves and we may not like what we see. While not all egos are bad, sometimes your ego may feel like it's presenting something in your life that is intentionally trying to trap you. It feels like a game that you engage with to push your own limits. It feeds off of fear, rush and angst vs. feeling naturally calm and centered.
For example, unconscious desires of the ego could be stemming out of idealization or be a projection of a thought. Sometimes flights of fancy are not always based in reality. This information from the shadow (ego) can be very telling though and we can use this knowledge to retrain habitual patterns that may be holding us back from stepping into our soul's purpose and attaining true happiness.
Life is always carrying us forward whether we believe in free will or not. Time does not stop so maybe your relationship with time or your expectations of events unfolding in your life did not transpire as you once anticipated. This can be jarring for a lot of people to accept especially if they've identified with their ego. This could apply to "who you were" during a time period, at a specific location, in a particular role or relationship, a profession or even a former home or city etc.
Your ego may effectively be shattered when you reach a point whether in trauma or self imposed thought, that your identity (or soon to be former self) will be abandoned and / or you have fears of losing what you "had". It sort of resists change and clings to what was. While this phenom is perfectly normal, the reaction will vary in the individual. Remember not all of our ego is bad too and it fosters shadow work that can be repurposed for soul growth.
As we are morphing and evolving at all times, this year has significantly increased the need for change and flow into the next phases of life, noting that we can't take all of the past with us. The good news is we don't want to and we simply can't! But still there is work to be done to process those changes and say goodbye to what no longer serves our souls.
What is your soul's path and calling? What would you do if you didn't have any restrictions or didn't identify with the markers that you live your life with? This is a hypothetical yet somewhat existential exercise in imagination - not an attempt of a utopian daydream.
Have you ever wondered who you are without your job, home, family, friends or town? Do you identify with your race, religion or belief system, gender or sex?
Are you who you think you are based on what you've experienced to date or by how society has viewed you up until this point in time? Are you doing what you really want to do or are you feeling held back by your identity or perception of what others may think of you or what you think of yourself? If so that could be your ego talking.
Your soul on the other hand is a driving force that will carry you to your purpose and your passion. It is an innate sense of duty or pull that guides you through the course of your life effortlessly and naturally. It is a whisper that turns into a pull and it energetically exudes abundant and positive energy.
Its mission is to provide abundance and light and will be inherently fulfilling, not detrimental. It will flow naturally with ease if it resonates with your soul.
The soul's purpose within is to have you reach an acceptance with your internal calling that moves you forward positively but not in the vain of doing it for yourself necessarily or out of your ego's desire to fulfill itself. The soul doesn't seek reward, it simply exists as is.
How I realized I needed to recalibrate myself when my ego took over
When changes in life approached me, at first I didn't realize I had to also change with them. I was blindly stuck in the past and was having difficulty moving forward and processing what I was feeling. I didn't realize I was avoiding my emotions. I realized I had been doing this for many years under the guise of partying or stress relief which was a normal socialized mixture of drinking, smoking, casual sex and emotional eating.
Sure it was living to an extent... I had a lot of fun but I was going through the motions - which isn't really what a soul's journey is for. I was suppressing my thoughts internally with substances and experiences and was not taking proper actions to be truly fulfilled. It was always in the vain of pleasure and fun as I was never doing enough bodily or collateral damage to change my ways. It was also easier to blame myself or be mad at myself than actually wanting to change and do the soul work needed to get through to real connection and intimacy.
Thankfully over time my habits morphed and I realized I didn't need these compulsions in my life to function. I found fulfillment within through other ways of expression (and not suppression) and decided I wanted to develop a more solid sense of self internally and form stronger, more tangibly real bonds with others. I was avoiding and distracting myself from connecting with others in a meaningful way. I looked at most things as transactional where I didn't need to assume responsibility for anything or anyone.
I was compartmentalizing facets of my life and aiming to reduce triggers so I didn't become overwhelmed by my fear. I found myself at an impasse with an inability to comprehend my vast array of emotions. I was subconsciously projecting trauma bonds onto others without awareness on either side. That is the power of the ego but the beauty lies in the resurrection when your ego dies and you get to be reborn.
Instituting cycles of change
If your soul is being called to cleanse itself in any way, shape or form, you can take a 21 day challenge for yourself! You can do this to pause and reset habits if you are finding you may be a bit stuck in an energetic loop that is not serving you. This particular area of your life that you need help with will present itself to you. It could also be a few areas of your life need fine tuning.
Mental: read a book or many books each night; do word jumbles, establish a practice to write more to release thoughts
Social: reduce or increase your social media or in person socialization based on your comfort levels and your reactions to either during this modified world of socialization in the COVID era
Physical: implement a new routine so you're not stagnant in your approach to your body and you're firing up new neurons in your body; also look to modify your diet if that is a problem area for you that may be causing you to feel sluggish or lethargic
Spiritual: simply start by doing more of what you love and allow yourself to explore different ways your inner voice is positively speaking to you; this could also be spatial where you need a brief separation from your compulsions to assess their validity
Reframe your relationship with self improvement
While it's imperative to do inner work to recognize where we can improve areas of our lives, it's equally important to have a conscious acceptance of where we are in our life's transits so that we are not fixating on the impermanence of perfection.
Remember we cannot fill a void or find fulfillment in the external or outside of the present moment. This goes for consuming anything to numb yourself including engaging in media, vices, relationships or habits that lead to self sabotage.
We must learn to nourish who we are as whole and complete with an acceptance of ourselves, as we are. True happiness is within. You are whole and complete. The past has transpired and it happened for a reason. You don't need to carry your wounds, defeats or past unsupportive habits with you.
Of course indulgences are more than ok and a part of life - this is aimed for removing larger cycle debilitating patterns that you no longer need. Knowing is half the battle and if you're doing the work or have done the work, that is sometimes good enough. You'll never be fully ready so no need to fixate on "fixing" yourself.
Reintegrating yourself back into your life after a retreat or cycle of change
Congratulations on making the decision to move towards a more healthy and fulfilled lifestyle.
Be mindful. Go at your own pace.
Change takes time and you've made valiant efforts and strides to enhance your well being.
Start a daily practice of a gratitude journal and begin each day with a glass of room temperature water. Align with your natural body temperature so that you always feel grounded and level headed.
Commend yourself on your progress knowing that your physical body truly is your sacred temple and spirit's home. Your soul will eternally thank you for it!
In good faith and conscience you can live the life you want to live and be thankful for all of your experiences that ultimately served as your biggest potential for growth.
And so it is.
xoxo,
TC